Get yourself invited to a fashion gala; and find yourself hobbited amongst the towering Arwens; giggling in the arms of high-flying middle aged businessmen. Help yourself to a tall glass of bubbly and head straight to the bar. Avoid hanging in the outskirt of the “it” crowd or risk being seen like a hanger–on waiting to be swatted off by someone who knows someone who is a close friend of that walking porcelain mannequin. If that champagne have messed you up nicely; dare yourself and walk up to the man and shake his hand for accomplishing the-almost impossible.
How does one date a model?
When one states the obvious, her only reaction to your shameless adoration is, “Duh!” She is already paid to sit and pose pretty. Hers is the face that launched a thousand ships. She doesn’t need compliments from someone who is not paying her to smile. She can’t help with what she was born with. You have to tell her something nobody dares to. Anything that would have her running to the nearest plastic surgeon might help. Darling, you missed a spot of blackhead, too much partying? She will love you endlessly for your kind utmost attention to detail.
What are you now? 46 kg? One kilo heavier than the last time I saw you. She will get so upset, she’ll shimmy out of her t-strings with fervent request for your constant approval.
If you haven’t noticed the guy who married his uptown girl is not only short and stout, but his eyes seem to be bulging out of its sockets. It is one of the unwritten requirements in any Playboy bunny’s book. You’ve got to have talent! Nickelodeon got it wrong. U G L Y; You ain’t got no alibi – You don’t need any alibi when your fingers can fly like lightning across that semi-acoustics you bought to impress her. The more you strum, the more she creams. She won’t care if you’re pretty or not. There can’t be more than one beautiful in a relationship. Your bulldog face will probably balance out the relationship; you two will be harmonized, so yin and yang. So ebony and ivory living together in perfect harmony.
If you’re not a musical person, pretend you know someone who knows the drummer from U2; or the best friend of the son of a well-known tycoon. In your life you may be second fiddle, but to her – your connection will gain you access to a private concerto only YOU are invited to; and because she is so impwessed with your affiliations she will get the champagne and caviars for the Casablanca that’s about to happen. Be forewarned, she will only work this hard; for the rest of your life, you’ll have to pay.
Your connections will definitely guarantee you print-ads models but if you want the ones that walk the runaway, you’ve got to bring on the blings. Superficiality is in. Money buys temporary happiness; and since we all tend to live by the age-old adage, “Life is short”, temporary happiness is good enough. If you can assure her you’ll be able to afford her, she will gladly fit herself into your pants;
I mean, fit herself into your lifestyle. Cristal Champagne bath, anyone?
If you reckon you’re at a handsome age of maturity, she’ll love you till death do you part. Think about it. It might not be temporary happiness after all, she might help you with your cardiac disposition; and help you move on with a smile on your face. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single supermodel must be in want of any man in possession of a good fortune. If you age like a good wine, she’ll drink the life out of you; and she will tell you this: “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours, is also mine”.
Mystery is James Bond’s charm. It was not the cleft in his chin that got him Pussy Galore. It was the fact that he is always aloof. His distance, his ability to appear at all the right places and disappear when she needs him most, makes him irresistible. After all he leaves them shaken, not just merely stirred. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, look no farther than this role model. Keep your schedules busy, turn her down first. The more harried you are from work, the more she knows you’ll be bringing back the dough. She’ll be day-dreaming of five more Jimmy-Choos and another crystalmini. Daddy gotta work babygirl…
Don’t despair yet, if you don’t fit any of the above – maybe your comedies will make your day. How many times have you watched a romantic movie where the guy is all goofy and so adorably funny? I mean there must be something wrong about Mary when she decides to date the guy who gets bashed up by Warren? She likes a guy who makes her laugh. After a whole day of plastic winks and sexy pouts, all she wants to do is frown at everyday people. Don’t give her the satisfaction of getting what she wants; crack a joke, tickle her fancy. Let her frown; but maintain eye contact; the moment you catch her eyes light up, you know for sure, you got her.
So what are you afraid of? At the end of the day, you have tried your best, if you find yourself failing to reach the unreachable, then perhaps you have tried too hard. The world of superficiality is at your fingertips as you follow this guide; after all – at one point in her life, she was your everyday average promoter girl who pushes bright shiny flyers in your palm to get you to buy that gleaming civic you’ve been dreaming about. What are you waiting for?
Go out there and break a princess’ heart.
