I N V I S I B I L I T Y

I spent most of the month of October within the confines of my room. Just think Trainspotting. I even stocked on green teas, ranch chips and snickers which is to be my diet for the month – So i sat in the room. The only time i ever went out was to re-stock my junks, to check my emails and to classes. Privelege of a post graduate course – Its the 31st of October now, and i’m out here – understanding what it is that makes living so shitty.

It was like the journey Siddharta took when he left his brahmin house. Its not like im comparing myself to The Enlightened One, I’m just saying – i had embarked on some kind of soul searching thing crying my eyes out like bridget jones with a bottle of cheap australian red, on a lonely self-confidence killing friday night. Except for me, everyday was a bridget jones friday night. I made myself invisible, to my brother and my housemates. They never called me, knocked on my door or even wondered whether i was inside or outside – the only clue to my existence in the past 30 days was my orange nike shoes. If its in the house, then i am home.

Familiarity breeds contempt. Spouses gnarl at each other after a long day’s work, siblings bite each other’s head off because school insists you react so. Familiarity also break a family when everyone just take each other for granted. Whatever happened to: How are you today?

Skeletons Out of the Closet

Hello Everyone – Yes! I know especially if you are straight – you just might flash hot and cold over the word ‘queer’ because you simply don’t know how to properly react. Its embedded deep in your heart, your upbringing and your religion has taught you to hate the word and its people. OKaay okay – janet jackson said once that ‘hate’ is a very strong word. Perhaps the only straight straight people i know who had no problems (like getting perasan that someone of their own sex might pounce on them) were Leena Ansari and her brother, Bak.

So keep your prejudices at the door because we don’t need it here.However – Comments are most graciously welcomed, i’ll even let insults and derogatory bigotted remarks in because then the world will definitely know that there is this terrible piece of human shit that still roams the place of the earth, sans amour.

Here’s a story for you: When i lost my mother a year ago to liver damage, i realised i knew so little of her. The only source of her life story comes from dad and the people she grew up with. While everyone has pleasant things to say of her, i knew nothing of her pain and sufferings – Its like finding a needle in a haystack and there’s no cheats to shortcut you there.

So i thought: I will have my own web log. This is a web log. Its wirelesspeak for D I A R Y – Yes. I spent my childhood years writing in a book about my crush on some boys only to be ridiculed by a nosy 3rd sister – Its just random ramblings thats in my heart and mind. I’d always wanted to write a book. But i can’t bear the thought of my own father perusing it to see where he had gone wrong as a parent. The rule ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ must always apply, although if he stumbles on this page by chance or by loud nosy relatives (prizes to those who know which one i like… haha) – then that is when i consider my skeletons taking a nice stroll out of the closet. This log is to help me. Psychiatrically… Really.

Mahath!r.

This is a GREAT Man.

I spent all my life hating him. When i run into overcharging taxi drivers, rude judgemental staff especially in the government buildings, a broken traffic light, a badly designed suburb, late LRT (and without public apology over the PA system) and all the noveaux riche – I blame it on Mahath!r. Its human to have a preferable untouchable scapegoat. Bad hair day, blame Mahath!r. And yet after all this, i will miss him – because i don’t know his successor very well.

THIS IS A GREAT MAN! May he live to see better changes in the world which he created.

This is a GREAT Man. He has been in all of my 28 years of being, alive.

This is a GREAT MAN, but to me, his daughter’s works are more profound.

As Queer As it Gets

The FRONTLINE of today’s NST (Oct 28th 2003) focuses on Taipei. The saviour to the Gay People of Asia. The Government of Taiwan is drafting to abolish death penalty, legitimise gay marriages and recognise the right of homosexual couples to adopt children.

Today i raise my pride flag. Its a happy day -